OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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