So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
