you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
