Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Pants are for mortals
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You ate ashes out of my bong
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
