is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm both gender and math confused
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
