He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
