He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
