I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
