forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
