Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
