i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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