Sry I called you an 8
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
