I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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