Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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