i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
