my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
handjob tips. give me some.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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