as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
