you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
