so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Alive.
So much puke
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
