When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
and you said cock pushups were impossible
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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