Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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