Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
