the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
