I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
as a side note pls kill me
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
