Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
