if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
