dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
