i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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