Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
