Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
