I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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