I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
