tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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