Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
