Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
