Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
