oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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