Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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