summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
