Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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