I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
