I feel great
I just peed on a car
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
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