I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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