Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
