Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
