I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
