i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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