tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
