i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
