she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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