are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
