HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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