I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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