I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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